Well, it’s been awhile since I’ve attempted a blog post…but do you ever feel that there’s just too much happening in life to summarize into a few paragraphs? I definitely don’t have the energy or willpower to begin to process the thoughts it would take to document the last few months of my life.
So, for those of you who know the curve ball life threw my way, you’ll understand. For those of you who don’t…well…you may have to wonder a while longer, until I feel the strength to tell the world.
All in all, I have many many questions that remain unanswered. I get the impression that I may never get an answer to some of them. And others, I’m just going to have to wait for. I feel as though I woke up and found the dream I was having is suddenly a bad reality…that I turned around and found myself in a battle for my heart and everything I knew to be true – but I can’t find my way through the fog to know who’s the enemy and where to swing my sword. I almost feel like I’m just ducking behind a rock with my shield, waiting for the storm to subside. Perhaps that’s the low road and perhaps others would have opinions about what I should and shouldn’t do…but my world is suddenly upside down and I don’t really know how to turn it right-side up again. The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy…and he has. Or at least, he is trying and seeming to succeed. My heart cries out that the battle is the Lords and He will have the victory, but it is still on its way.
All I do know is that somewhere in this awful mess, my Jesus stands ready to save, rescue, restore, heal, and make all things right. I know He see’s every tear, hears every prayer, knows every thought, and every desire of my heart. I know He knew this day would come, He knew how I would feel, and He knows the exact moment He’ll make everything new. I wish I could see what He sees – but my mind wouldn’t be able to take in the awesomeness of His great plan.
Many many dear friends and family have been a great support and many have been praying without knowing the details – and you are all equally needed. Many of you have your suspicions about what’s happened lately, and I guarantee you that it’s not quite what you think, but yes, you are right. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you haven’t asked me questions – I can’t hardly bear to talk about it right now. I can’t tell you how much I covet your prayers, for me and also for all involved. I promise to explain at some point, but please know there is much need for healing (physically, spiritually, and emotionally) and that I have not stopped loving, not even for one moment, the people involved in this major life change. I pray with all my heart that the Lord heals and restores what has been broken by the enemy. But even if He chooses another way than what I hope for, I will yet praise Him. He is the lover of my soul, my all in all, my everything, He is jealous for me, my comforter, my Redeemer, and Friend.
Love you all,