Calling

“For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭11:29‬ ‭ESV‬‬

My dad recently retired from a long career in the banking world, and has begun a new season as the associate pastor of my parent’s church. 
My dad is the one that taught me, both by word and example, that calling isn’t the same as vocation – although the two can certainly overlap. I watched my dad work hard in his vocation to help people buy homes, and I watched him care for their hearts in the process. 

A long-standing joke in our family is that we can’t go anywhere without running into someone that my dad knows and has probably helped get a loan. Even when I traveled to China the missionaries I worked with greeted me with “Your dad made us a home loan!” But beyond loans, every person we ran into spoke of how my dad had ministered to them. 

“He prayed with me in the office.”

“Your dad listened and gave me such good wisdom.”

“My wife and I were going through a divorce and your dad spoke truth to me. He referred me to a pastor for counseling.” 

“Your dad was so encouraging; he wasn’t afraid to talk about Jesus with us even as we got a home loan.”

“I was a single mom that no bank would take a chance on, but your dad helped me get a house and blessed me by teaching me how God cares for me.”
These statements are his legacy in the banking world. My dad has always ministered, always pastored, always cared for the hearts that walked into his office. He has always listened to the Holy Spirit and followed His leading in conversations, business deals, and his own life. 

He has retired, taking a well-deserved step back from the hard pace of secular vocation. He worked well at his job, all to the glory of God. 

But his calling is irrevocable, and he continues into a new season that has been his heart all along. My dad loves God and he loves people. 

What a legacy of calling. 

Seen and Known

“So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, “You are a God of seeing,” for she said, “Truly here I have seen him who looks after me.” – Genesis 16:13

I used to say I would never live in Houston…I’m a fall/winter kind of girl and let’s be honest, Houston is a summer/hotter summer kind of place.  But then, 7 years ago, God divinely took me there. I would end up staying for 4 years.  At the time, it didn’t feel divine.

A year of living in a borrowed RV, with two cats, a part-time job that required a one-way hour commute, no family or church home, and a whole lot of heartbreak doesn’t paint a divine picture.  It was the most difficult and soul-searching year I’d ever experienced.  When the school year ended along with my part-time music therapy contract, I moved home for the summer…but….

I moved with the intention of only staying the summer.  I left all of my things in a Houston storage unit.  I applied for a full-time Music Therapy position with the same school district.  What made me want to move back there?  I wondered that to myself, even as I searched for apartments online from my family’s home.  I could have sought out jobs anywhere else.  I had previously lived in Ft. Worth and loved it – why not move back? Divinely, I was drawn back to Houston.  Back away from family.  Back to where the heartbreak had occurred and still had no resolution.

I spent 3 more years in Houston, before moving once again to seek resolution in a relationship.  So much had happened, but I didn’t fully realize what God had done until I visited Houston a month ago for the first time in an additional 3 years.

“Come and see what God has done; He is awesome in His deeds toward the children of men.” – Psalm 66:5

I drove around my old stomping grounds, I saw the streets I loved, the schools I poured my heart into, the small group and church that had become my lifeline and family.  I saw the tall trees I’d fallen in love with as I drove to work, tears of heartbreak and grief and confusion streaming from my heart.  And I realized that I had been seen.  I had been known.  That I felt misunderstood and confused, but God understood and knew the path.

Oh how He shaped me in those Houston years….how He used that humid place to mold my heart.  I had nowhere to turn but to Him.  I had no one that fully knew me, save Him.  I had no family to hold, so I fell on my knees before Him.  I learned how to grieve loss, how to trust completely, how to let Him be my daily bread and all-sustaining life.  And I didn’t even realize He was doing it.  He knew the road I would need to walk later, so He taught me how to live and breathe His life then.

I wouldn’t trade those years.  I would happily live in Houston the rest of my life if He were in it.  I would move across the world if He asked, because He sees me.  There’s no place I can go where He cannot find me, love me, pull me up.  When I felt the most lost, I was actually the most found.

So take heart.  You are seen and you are known by the one true God.

Thy mercy, my God, is the theme of my song.

The joy of my heart and the boast of my tongue.

Thy free grace alone from the first to the last, hath won my affection and bound my soul fast.

The Abundant Life

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”  – John 10:10 ESV

 

Most of us would agree that Jesus is our eternal life, even our very breath of life that sustains us on earth, and the risen life that has awakened our mere human lives to a new life by the spirit.  But how do we define “abundant”?

 

How is it that I have spent so many years accusing God of holding something back from me? How is it that I can read John 10:10 and think it’s something to be accomplished, something to be attained here on earth and that I have not yet done so? That somehow, Jesus spoke the truth but He just hasn’t given life abundantly to me yet? Perhaps I’ve received 65% of that abundant life.  Thanks, Jesus, for your eternal sacrifice, but I won’t have life abundantly until ________ (fill in the blank).

 

Now, we would agree that it would be ridiculous to fill that blank with a number of things.  A million dollars, for example.  4 brand new cars.  No debt and a mansion to boot.  A peaceful ranch with all the horses and beautiful views a human could envision.

 

But why do we try to fill that blank with other things? Things the world says complete us? The American Dream.  A perfect family.  No sickness.  No evil.  A husband.  Children.  The perfect job.  A ministry that thrives and never encounters a human problem.  A perfect church.  All worthy things to seek (the exception being the American Dream…), but how much weight do we put on these?  How much are we expecting them to make our life abundant?  Why are we somehow less than living without them?

The truth is, God never promised me any of those things.  In fact, He guaranteed our world would have trouble.  Does this mean He lied when He said our lives would be abundant?

On the contrary.  Our lives are abundantly full of mercy, grace, love, peace, joy, purpose, the glory of the Most High God, truth, ministry to a broken world, freedom from sin, worship and beauty, and service to the Kingdom of Christ – storing up treasures that last eternally.  More abundance awaits us, but yet we have God.  We HAVE God.  Here and now, His presence dwelling among us, His Spirit guiding us into all truth, His purpose being fulfilled to bring Him ultimate glory.  We have HIM.  In light of His goodness, I choose to believe that my abundant life is complete in the having of Jesus – anything else He brings my way is beautiful and holy icing on the cake.  Our world needs followers of Christ than are about His purposes, His kingdom, His gospel of truth in the midst of darkness.

 

Can we dare to live like we’re lacking nothing? Can we trust Him enough to place more weight on life with Him than life with these other things? Can we stop settling for a life with God after other earthly dreams have not panned out?  Can we instead live our abundant life to the fullest extent in the time we’re given?  Can we see Him for all of His goodness in light of all the world deems good?   Can we live our story like we trust the One writing it?

 

He’s holding nothing back from me.  He is good.  He is abundant.

Charity

Steadfast Love

I’ve been thinking a lot these days about how the Lord is my anchor.  How He holds fast, how He never moves.  In a world that on a good day is fast paced and busy, and on a bad day is chaos and overwhelming – He is literally the one thing that never moves.  Like a rock, a mountain of strength, He remains.  He endures.  I can lean on Him and He can handle it.  I can lean heavily on Him, and He welcomes it.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28

How can I spend so many minutes of my day completely involved and taken up with things that don’t matter?  How can I forget how good He is? How reliable He is? How much He has already done for me?  How is it that His love is so great that He not only remains, but that I can hide behind Him? That He is faithful when I am so faithless? So forgetfull?

“Oh Lord, what is man that You would pay attention? Our lives are but a breath; all our days are fleeting.  That even in my sin Your love never left me.”

“For Your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in Your faithfulness.” – Psalm 26:3

“How blessed we are, that You are our God and we are Your people. You make our sons like tall oak trees.  You make our daughters like bright flowers.”

Oh, that I would spend my days, energy, strength, and words on Him.  He is so faithful, good, and true.

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17-19

Obedience

20 Kids and Counting. Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar. How many people have heard those names and quickly passed a thought of judgement? I’d like to offer up a question to the naysayers, because sometimes I feel so passionate about something that I just can’t stand being quiet 🙂

When was the last time you were so sure of something the Lord had told you to do and you were so committed to obeying Him that you did it in the face of the world’s pointing finger? I can honestly say that I haven’t. I want to offer up high regard for the Duggars for being obedient to what they feel the Lord has told them to do with their family.

“Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to Him” Psalm 128:1

Can you imagine what it’s like to hear the negative comments regarding their family? People who have never met them, never spoken to their children, never spent a day with them automatically assuming they know what it’s like to be a part of that family? Quickly passing judgement. Assuming those kids have any less love, attention, knowledge, desire to follow God, etc than another child in a smaller family? What about families who choose to raise their children on the mission field – out of obedience to God? I don’t hear anyone passing judgment or making negative assumptions about those families… What about families who choose to adopt once their other children are grown? Nope, pretty quiet about that too, aren’t we? It seems we’re only judgmental, outspoken, and opinionated about the things/situations that 1) scare us: 2) are something WE’D never do: 3)or don’t understand.

If the Lord has put it on the Duggars’ heart to allow Him to be in charge of how many children He blesses them with: I say more power to them. The Lord is clearly blessing them for their obedience. They have well-rounded, well-loved children who have desires and joys and the blessing of knowing their parents are walking in obedience to the what the Lord has told them – despite the naysayers (who are more often than not, Christians….).

Will I have 20 kids? Probably not. But I hope that I can face the world and humbly, lovingly, and with full confidence declare my obedience to what the Lord has asked of me – Thank you, Duggars’ for your example of complete trust in the Lord’s will for your lives.

“When you do common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.” George Washington Carver

How to say “Thank You”

Love. Her.

Ok, everyone HAS to know, that us Wilson siblings have the BEST mom ever.  It’s just truth.  I’m sure your mom is awesome too, but in our minds – no one outranks Denise 🙂  So with Mother’s Day coming tomorrow, it’s just not easy to be away from her!  Sending a present and card in the mail is just not enough.  So the age-old question is, how to say “Thank you” to the world’s best mom? Especially knowing that so much of who I am and where I am today is to my parent’s credit.  How do you say “Thank you”?

Mom Rocks.

For countless meals fixed or fetched, for hairdos perfected before school and messed up before she got us all the way there, for refereeing more sibling battles than one can count,for praying for us day in and day out,  for pretending and being silly, for enduring back to school shopping with two daughters year in and year out, for listening, for taking us on vacations to places we wanted to go, for giving us Pooh Sticks, for Christmas PJ pictures,  for protecting us from harm, for comforting us when kids were mean, for correcting us when we were mean, for listening to kids’ music in the car, for teaching our VBS classes, for volunteering at the school, for making us laugh, for teaching us the value of coupons, for cheering us on from the bleachers even when our Jr. High B-team couldn’t win a game, for enduring our adolescent mood swings, for playing basketball in the driveway, for teaching us about Jesus Christ, and for doing all these things with love and a smile on her face. HOW? How do I thank my mother for raising me? And for doing it without letting on how hard it was?

I don't understand why people think we look alike....

I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to thank her sufficiently.  Hopefully one day I’ll be a mother as well, and then I can at least say “Now I know!” 🙂  But for now, with all the love and gratitude that can be sent across the airwaves between Houston and Canyon, THANK YOU 🙂

Happy Mother's Day!!

Love you, Mom.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is…

The last two days of been filled with reviewing the legal aspects of Special Education, the many many court cases that led to laws that determine the function and procedures of everyone involved with children in Special Education.

As I rehearse the “do’s and don’ts” of the laws and memorize what each court case accomplished and how I need to apply it, it got me to thinking 🙂  In the situation of Special Education and justice and crime and many things that fall into these categories – I am very grateful for laws.  They govern and define and protect, and even when they limit – it’s appreciated – because of the “crazies” of this world that are the reason we have laws.  It’s saddening to me that we have to have laws regarding appropriate and humane treatment of children with Special Needs – but I’m glad we have those laws – God only knows how much worse things would be if we didn’t.

 

But beyond that, in matters of religion –  it’s a different story.  While Christianity clearly has defined what is “sin” and the consequences thereof, it is the only religion that where “keeping the law” is not enough.  It’s defining characteristic from ALL other religions in the world is that salvation cannot be earned – it is a gift of grace – no matter how few or how many sins one commits.

“Now when a man works, his wages are not credited to him as a gift, but as an obligation.  However to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness.”  Romans 4:4-5

Every other religion has laws, rules, etc that when followed, done, accomplished, completed can equal “salvation” – sometimes not even then – sometimes it is left up to the whim of the god.  How incredibly hopeless.  I, for one, would never make it.  And I don’t know of any human that can.  I’m so grateful for a True God.

So, when Christ has given us such a priceless gift of grace, why do Christians insist on trying to live out a works-based faith?  Is our God a God that requires us to keep appointments with Him, that requires us to follow rules to earn His love, that mandates works? He is a God of grace!  Even in the Old Testament, before Christ came to be the ultimate sacrifice for human sin, the followers of God lived according to His law to be protected and distinguished as belonging to Him – worshipers of the one True God.  But even that law did not earn them salvation, and sacrifices were not enough to atone for the sin.  When Christ died for our sin, both Jew and Gentile, the new law of grace by faith was established – now that the ultimate sacrifice had atoned for the sins of the world.  So – why do Christians insist on reverting to the old law – or even worse  – an extremely legalistic form of the old law that wasn’t from the Lord in the first place? Does all humanity need to be and act like the Jews of old in order to earn salvation? Absolutely not.  Do Christians need to be extreme and secluded in effort to be “not of this world” – in essence, imposing rules and religious mandates on the body of Christ? Absolutely not.   GRACE BY FAITH, NOT BY WORKS.

 

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.  Mark my words!  I, Paul, tell you that if you let yourselves be circumcised, Christ will be of no value to you at all.  Again I declare to every man who lets himself be circumcised that he is obligated to obey the whole law.  You, who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace.  But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope.  For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value.  The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.  You were running a good race.  Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth?” Galations 5:1-7

 

” The law was added so that the trespass might increase.  But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.  What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?  By no means!  We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” Romans 5:20 – 6:2

 

 

Our God saves, through faith in Jesus Christ, and as a gift freely given – so that no man can boast.  So BREATHE.  It’s done.

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”  2 Corinthians 3:17

 

Birthday Month

February is the month of girly birthdays in the Wilson household.  3 weeks in a row of pink, presents, love, and giggles.  My sister’s birthday comes first on February 7th, then a nice respite with chocolate on Valentines Day, then my birthday follows on February 24th.  It’s quite a month of pure happiness.

Birthday Bandanas

My sister and I wholeheartedly agree that February is indeed one of the best month out of the 12.  Birthdays were not extravagant ordeals, like those you’ll find on reality shows today – see some on www.tlc.com.

But my mom always had a cake – usually homemade with more love and time than I am sure to have the patience for.  Some of the favorites were the classic “Winnie the Pooh’s honeypot and honeybees”, numerous pink heart-shaped cakes, and anything else sweet and girly that you can imagine.

 

Birthday Cakes

My sister and I have this “special February bond” because we share a birthday month 🙂  Call it silly, but we call it important and wouldn’t have it any other way.

For two sisters who grew up sharing a lot – rooms, Barbies, fashion shows and talent shows, and eventually clothes and jewelry,

Fashion Show

 

 

we didn’t mind sharing a birthday month.  It’s like having a birthday all month long, even if it’s not yours!  Even now, we anticipate February almost as much as Christmas.  No matter how young or old we get, my sister makes February so much fun.  Because we claim it as “our month”, it’s given us many excuses to get together, laugh, spoil each other, and I know it always will.  If you haven’t met my sister, you are missing out 😉  I wasn’t always keen on sharing my Barbies with her – but at least she knew how to play with them! A little brother would have destroyed them on the driveway along with the hot wheels.   We already have so many memories together:

Charity and Charissa

 

many, many good memories with lots of giggles, tears, and loud laughter:

Baking Something Wonderful

 

and many shared secrets and long late-night talks

Not Packing...

And many more memories to come.  Charissa, here’s to many more Birthday Month’s, Slumber Parties, HGTV projects, trips to the zoo, Squeaky Spots, surprise b-day trips, and M*A*S*H quotes.  You are my best girlfriend, the bestest sister a girl could ask for. Love you 🙂  (And don’t be mad at me for posting pics of you…you are of course, adorable, in ALL of them.)

Best Sisters

 

It actually worked!

Did you know that the expensive “crackle medium” you buy in cans is really just plain old white (elmer’s) glue? Any white glue will work just like the really expensive stuff in cans.

We all love the “shabby chic” look of old crackled paint. When we’re lucky, it happens naturally. But most times we have to help it along.

Crackling is great for covering up flaws. If you’re considering sanding off old layers of paint, crackle instead – it’s much faster & gives the item a lot of character.

How it’s done:

 

Method 1: Color underneath

1) Primer your item if it wasn’t previously painted (I used steel wool to rough up the varnish)

rubbed with steel wool

2) Paint it with the color you want to show in the cracks (use a color with a lot of contrast to your top color if you want your effect to be dramatic.)

2 coats of red

3) Paint the glue on. You can dilute it a little to make it easier to work with. Use a brush, not a roller. Cheap brushes work better – they leave more lines & therefore more detail in the cracks. PUT IT ON THICK! Thin coats don’t crack well

Experiment – the more glue you put on, the bigger the cracks.

I like to use a funky, random pattern so the cracks aren’t all in nice neat brush lines.

And I like to vary the thickness of the glue from one part to the next so the cracks look natural. (What they don’t tell you is that the thinner parts will dry faster so you end up guessing when it’s really time to paint the top coat!)

TIP: Thin coats work best on vertical surfaces. This is true for both the glue and the topcoat. If you paint them on too thick, it will all run down & be a gloppy mess. (TRUE…but still cool).  You can turn your item on it’s back, crackle the front, turn it on the side, crackle the side, etc. I did this on an armoire. It’s time consuming, but works great.

about an hour to dry

thinner coat of glue would have been better

It still turned out cool

4) After the glue is set up, but still tacky,(more than 1 hour, but not more than 2 or 3 – depends on your thickness & weather) paint on the main color. Don’t let the glue dry too much – it won’t crack if it’s too dry. (The glue will streak in the top coat – you’ll see white cracks before you see the paint underneath…don’t panic like I did. It’s supposed to spread with the top coat!)

slightly worried about painting on top of glue

As the top color(and glue) dries, the underneath color will be revealed in the cracks.

It worked!

Definitely worth it!

Unspeakable Joy

You turn winter into spring
You take every living thing
And You breathe Your breath of life into it over and over again

You make the sunrise, day after day after day
But there’s a morning coming, when old things will all pass away
And everyone will see

You make all things new
You make all things new
Come redeem and come transform
Come renew and come restore
You make all things new
You make all things new
And forever we will watch and worship You

“All Things New”, Words and Music: Steven Curtis Chapman

DTR’ing.

pursued: to follow close upon; go with; attend to.  to strive to gain; seek to attain

love: to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for; to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in. to need or require; benefit greatly from.

trust: a person on whom one relies; reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, reliability of a person or thing; to believe.

honesty: the quality of being honest; uprightness and fairness. truthfulness, sincerity. without deceit or fraud.

communication: the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing or signs.

faith: belief that is not based on proof

respect: esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability. condition of being honored.

happiness: state of being delighted, pleased, or glad. characterized by or indicative of contentment and joy.

hope: to look forward to with desire; to believe or trust with confidence although the outlook may not warrant it.

new: coming or occurring afresh

20 Answers to 20 Questions

1. Isaiah 41:20.

2. Any form of cheese.

3. Football.  Especially College.

4. God is faithful.

5. No, not yet.  But see Answer #4.

6. Yes, Houston is humid.  And a beginning.

7. Two cats. Jack and Luke.  Yes I like dogs too.

8. Red Nissan Xterra. If God provides the finances that is…

9. China again, France, and Italy.  Some day.

10. Piano first.  Guitar second. Voice third.

11. When I know, I’ll let you know 🙂

12. Reading. Novels to Southern Living to Bible.

13. Taking out the trash. Despise it.

14. Vacuuming. Oddly like it.

15. Being lied to. Can’t stand it.

16. Grey’s Anatomy.  No judging.

17. Golf.  Will learn when someone patient teaches me.

18. Iced Tea.  Unsweetened. With Lemon 🙂

19. On an adventure with Him.  At a pit stop right now getting new tires.

20. Love is waiting.

The Bachelorette

As this blog is very much dedicated to walking the road to Beautiful, it’s just fitting to have a running commentary on what the world views as “beautiful”, “true love”, and “reality”.  Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t put it past 2 people to fall in love on a tv show any more than eharmony or dating for 4 years.  But watching the world’s view of reality makes me A. laugh and B. scream for a reality check.  So let the reality begin:

1. Guys will do anything to impress. so ridiculous.  so competitive.

2. They’re showing a guy working out, he just found out who the bachelorette is, and he says “I’m gonna win her heart.  She’s gonna fall in love with me”,  as he does push ups.  I don’t think it matters who the girl is, he’s got his game ON.

3. “I’m definitely not afraid of all the other guys….I mean…I’ve killed a bear…”  best. line. ever.

4. Do these guys have laser hair removal? I’ve never seen so many hairless chests….

5. “I know it’s going to be hard, but you have to go through the fire to get to the happy ever after.” Yeah, this looks like pretty tough fire to go through…I’ll bet those new clothes and hot guys fighting over you make it a little easier….

6. How exhausting to have to laugh at all 25 guys’ jokes.  All night.

7. This girl gave up her job, moved out of apt, “got my priorities straight” – “if I find a husband, it’s all worth it”.  I’m afraid she might be disappointed, even if she finds a husband here….there’s one huge priority missing….

8. She mentions giving up her fears and insecurities for this….all the woman out there just gazed longingly at the beautiful woman and 25 datable men on the tv screen and thought “I wish I could get rid of MY fears and insecurities….”  YOU CAN! But Jesus is the way.  No datable man or beautiful hairstyle will fix that common thread we all share in this fallen world.

9. It’s like the battle of the worst pick-up lines EVER. Who will win?

10. Is it a good thing to have said of you, “she’s like the girl next door”?

11. A.W.K.W.A.R.D.

12. Oooooh that guy just spoke Spanish.  Nice one.  Better than any other pick up line.

13. I’ve counted at least 6 pink shirts and 4 pink ties.  Manly men wear pink.  And they want her to know they’re Manly apparently.

14. 3 guys now have climbed on top of the limo.  Men and women truly are different.

15. I like how they all keep saying they’re happy she’s so career-oriented….wait…yup…pretty sure she “gave up that priority”…oops.

16.  How do men stand to be on this show? It’s just not in their nature to have to sit back and watch a girl they’re trying to “date” flirt with another man….

17. Rose Ceremonies have so much tension!

18. Aw. That guy thought she was the one.  And now feels like a failure. I want him to know there’s more out there than a one-time chance encounter!!!

19. Frank or Roberto.  That’s as close as I get to calling it.

20. I’ve never been happier letting God direct my life.

Love Is Not A Fight

“Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.  But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.  For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.  When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.  When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.  Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know in full, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love.”

1 Corinthians 13: 4-13

Matthew 6:33

Here’s the question that plagues me tonight:
Why is it so incredibly difficult to trust God with the desires of my heart? To truly lay them down at His feet and know that He will give them back more blessed than before? Why do I find it easier to believe He will provide for me financially than to believe that He really cares about the desires of my heart?

Most people I know have this same problem.  Most of whom I know fall into two categories.  I am sure I have been in both categories at one point in my life or another, because it’s really easy to switch sides depending on your season of life.

The first category are those that “have what you desire”, i.e. a husband, baby, loving family, house, dream job, etc etc.  How easy is it to be the voice of hope to someone when you have received one of the desires of your heart? I have to say, it isn’t very easy in a state of hurt to hear “God has a plan and His timing is perfect” as that person smiles with one arm around their adoring husband and one arm holding the newborn baby.  Yeah.  I know.  But 5 years ago, I bet you felt the same way  I do….so instead of being encouraged to lay down my desires and yes, WAIT, I am instead frustrated with waiting longer and find myself coveting – a whole new ballgame! How did that happen?  It’s not their fault I see their bubbly happiness as more a stab in my heart than the encouragement it was meant to be.  This category of people have nothing but good motives and speak the truth.  Yes, God’s timing is perfect and He does have a plan. But how easy it is to forget what it’s like to wait.  Or perhaps some in this category did not have to wait for the very thing I long for….perhaps the desires they long for are different, and so God did not have to make them wait for the other.  But a little ways down the road, the people in this category may switch sides again when another desire arises that isn’t receiving an answer from the Lord – and they might find themselves once again waiting and watching others smile and be happy…vicious cycle.

The second category that we all seem to gravitate to at some point, is the naysayers.  The ones who haven’t seen a desire of their heart realized.  The ones who’ve had one stripped away.  The ones who’ve become bitter.  The ones who laugh at your small shard of hope, the small part of your heart that is trying desperately to trust God’s plan, looking fervently for the bigger picture, hoping against what seems all hope that He hears your cries and will satisfy you with good things….how hard it is to talk to someone who is bitter.  Or perhaps not even bitter…perhaps just consumed with their frustration in waiting for something, in their disappointment in a human that has failed them….so they claim your situation will be no different.  That your hope is immaturity.  That maybe God has a plan, but it can’t be the one you hope and desire for – that’s too good to be true.  Oh how fast the walls build up around a bitter heart…it only takes one conversation with a naysayer to start construction.

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So where is the middle ground category?  Where are the people who don’t “have it all together” but aren’t “naysayers of hope”? Can I be one of those people?  Can I dare to hope and trust that God really does hear the desires of my heart, and that while I know He may provide for them differently than I could imagine – He will still provide for them? That He did create desires in my heart and He will not leave them desolate and empty?  Can I keep my heart tender, gentle, and free from bitterness?  Can I take my eyes off of myself long enough to see the testimonies from others of how God can and will bless us with our heart’s desires?  Can I resist the jab of jealousy when I see others who received so “easily” the blessing I have been waiting on with all the patience I can muster? Can I continue to wait well and not take matters into my own hands? Can I speak genuinely to friends – not dashing their hopes because of my own situation, but not ignoring the fact that it’s painful to wait years for what you feel has been promised you? Can I encourage the hopes and dreams in others even if I haven’t received the very things I ache for?  Can I believe what God has spoken to me or others, until He speaks differently? Can I not discount another’s dreams, simply because they seem unattainable?  Isn’t it true that nothing is impossible with God?  Can I dare to believe that for myself and for others, no matter the circumstances?

How I long to be Category #3.  Feel free to join me.

“I am weary in believing, Lord please help my unbelief…I will proclaim it to the world…I will declare it to my heart.  I will sing it when the sun is shining, I will scream it in the dark…You are faithful!  When You give, when You take away – even then, great is Your faithfulness.”

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.  I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him” Lamentations 3:22-24